Love Hurts

I cried the first time Grace got her shots. I tried to be brave and strong and not overreact because I knew she would feed off of me. But the second the doctor left the room I just crumbled. Now part of it was post partum emotions and sleep deprivation. The other was the very real and very painful act of seeing your child in pain. A year and a half later, I still feel it when she gets her shots. I don't cry but boy does it break my heart,

Today was Grace's 18-month-checkup. We made the trek downtown because I still refuse to switch pediatricians. I just haven't met anyone yet who raves about their doctor like we do. Since we only go in once every few months, I can bear city traffic for a day. I was nervous because it didn't start out well. They tried to weigh Grace on the "big girl scale" and she screamed hysterically. Why? Who the heck knows! So we had to do the baby scale which was just fine by her. She padded around in her diaper until the doctor was ready to see her and surprisingly she didn't burst into tears like she usually does. In fact, smarty mommy that I am, I brought half of her farm animals with us, and she spent almost the entire time showing the doctor the animals and "mooing" and "baaaing." The doctor noted that clearly speech was not an issue with her and perhaps she should consider a career in husbandry.

When Grace was a baby we spent a lot of time going over eating, sleeping, pooping, etc. Now we've moved into more complicated and subjective areas like early childhood development. When do we do time outs? For how long? What to do about tantrums? But we do return to the old standbys of "Is it ok for Grace to eat an entire pint of blueberries?" The answer, by the way, is yes, unless you were hoping for some. The pediatrician is a funny guy, very pragmatic, and very gentle. Grace was great while he listened to her chest but she screamed like a banshee when he checked her ears. The doctor didn't miss a beat and just kept reassuring her that he wasn't in fact trying to deafen her but she was doing a good job of deafening him!

Then the needles came out. I knew it would be bad because a few weeks ago I got a flu shot and Grace screamed when she saw the needle. Now I would have liked to scream when I saw the needle but sometimes being an adult means swallowing your own fear so I cheerfully smiled while they jabbed my arm. Of course Grace cried when she got the needles--one in each leg. The doctor kept assuring her (really me) that it was medicine so she wouldn't get sick. I held her arm out of his way but he chuckled that he knows how long kid's arms are and always sticks them right below where they can reach. When I picked her up her cheeks were drenched and she gives you that look "Why mom? Why did you let that happen?" The answer is, of course, because I love you but that makes no sense to your crying baby.

Grace quickly recovered from the trauma though it took me a little while longer. She took my hand and we walked out to the desk to make our next appointment. Grace was carrying her sheep and slammed it on the desk yelling "baaaaaa." We all laughed really hard. Then she headed straight for the door and I can't say I blame her.