A Day In the Life

Today was kind of a crazy day for us and so I thought it might be fun to document it for all of our readers.

7:15:
Grace awoke us with lots of singing and laughing. She slept all the way through the night and when she wakes up singing you know it's going to be a good morning. She happily screeches her way through breakfast (scrambled eggs with cottage cheese and a banana). Decide we might want to work on an "inside voice."

8:30:
Grace was enthralled by Sesame so I decide to mop our disgustingly dirty kitchen floor. Midway through Digby came trotting in. While I was screaming at him to get out Grace came tottering in with her Winnie the Pooh airplane (a ride on). They both walk all over the freshly mopped floor. I look to the heavens, wave my hands wildly, and scream, "Why God, why?"

9:30:
Shower and then head out the door to get Grace a haircut. Grace's hair has a tendency to grow like a mullet and I don't want people to think "business in the front, party in the back" when they look at my child. Off to Wiggle Worms we went. I was praying the line wouldn't be long and it wasn't-hurray! They turned on Teletubbies and we were in business. We hustle out of there and I think, "Damn, Grace looks like a big girl!."

10:45:
Off to Abington Library for toddler story time. Pat myself on the back when we arrive 2 minutes early! Run downstairs only to find story time is cancelled. Miss Carolyn is out sick. I silently damn her and her weak immune system and decide we might as well check out some books. Grace was playing quietly with another little girl we met at story time last week. This girl is pretty big for her age, very aggressive, and her grandmom speaks not a word of English. I decide to keep one eye on them while they play while deciding which Eric Carle book to take out. I hear a giant thud and Grace screaming. I look over to see her mouth filling with blood and a worried look on said aggressive toddler. Didn't see it happen but believe she shoved Grace. I silently damn the child and her non-English speaking grandmother who threw up her arms in confusion and whisk a screaming Grace away to clean her up.

11:30
Decide to leave library and head to Trader Joes (we were out of tomato sauce). Grace rebounded and was absolutely charming with anyone who would look at her. I congratulate myself on having the cutest little girl in the world.

12:00
We come home and I notice two messages on the machine. That's odd. Usually it's a big fat zero. Listen to messages and immediately crack up. Seems my dad took my nephew AJ on his field trip to the pumpkin patch and their bus broke down (before they left for home). He was stuck on a bus with a bunch of screaming 4-year-olds and needed to get in touch with my sister. I called him back and could barely hear him from all the screaming. I asked how AJ was doing and dad said he was vacillating between punching the kid next to him and crying for his mom. I tell my dad what a bummer, geeze that's a shame, hang up, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh some more.

1:00
Grace went down for a nap. I eat lunch and answer email.

1:40
Hear Grace crying. Damn! She's awake? Oh crap. . . .
She was very, very unhappy. I decide this won't do so we head to the mall in search of the elusive 24-months-onesie. These are very hard to come by but when it's chilly, Grace needs an undershirt (remember the whole flashdance thing?) Score at Sears! Only one pack of pink and white left so pick up some blue dinosaurs and figure girls like that stuff too. Cruise the mall and see lots of cranky babies. Something must be in the air. . .

4:30
We head home and I put dinner in the oven. I congratulate myself on a pretty good day!

5:00
Captain Idiot decides he needs to go out so I stand at the door to watch him so he doesn't run off. What does he do? He runs off. I start screaming "God damnit Digby!!!!" as he takes off for the neighbor's yard with me in hot pursuit. (Cue music from the Bad News Bears). Then I realize I left Grace alone and have to run back and get her. Then we both take off (no jackets) after Digby while I scream all sorts of profanities at the dog. I make a mental note to stop cursing in front of Grace. Retrieve dog and beat him mercilessly on the way back while smiling and waving apologetically at our shellshocked neighbors. Lest you feel sorry for Digby and his beating, he feels no pain and the beating was cathartic for me.

5:15
Came back inside and try to settle down before dinner. Grace is cranky so I turn on Sesame. It's the same episode as this morning but Grace doesn't notice. Today's letter was "X" and it cracks me up because when "X" makes an appearance it has an eerie green glow and they play X File style music. I curl up with Grace on the couch and taggie blanket and Digby starts making that terrible yacking noise and heads right for the rug in my office. I try to drag him off but moving an 80-pound-dog while he's throwing up is next to impossible. Clean up mess and repeatedly look at the clock and listen for sound of husband's car.

6:00
Daddy's home! All three of us jump and down in excitement!

6:45
Bathtime for Grace

7:00
Dad puts Grace to bed and I walk dog.

7:30
Dad heads to the Y and I'm by myself. Time for a glass of wine and some TV.

8:00
Plop on the couch after some straightening up. The Captain looks pathetic so I invite him up too and we turn on the Food Network.

Thus concludes my day. Thank you for reading all of this. At many points today I got really frustrated but now that I write it all down, it seems pretty funny. Now back to my wine, dog, and Emeril.