Hitting The Books

You know it's been a rough week when I come home from the library with an armful of books. I can't remember their titles but one is by Dr. Sears on nutrition and kids and eating and the other is on learning positive discipline. I wish I could say it's only one of my children that drove me to the books but, unfortunately, the two of them are pushing me to the edge lately.

Mealtime has become the most stressful and annoying time of day. Considering my kids eat about 5 times a day, this does not contribute to me having a good day. Grace has always been our eating dynamo but lately she's become a royal pill. It can take her up to 45 minutes to finish a meal. She likes to chit chat, play games, push the food around, and basically ignore the fact that it's mealtime. But God forbid you try and take her plate away.

Luke has never been a fantastic eater but lately he's becoming increasingly violent at meals. If he doesn't like what you're serving, he dumps it on the floor, or smacks his head against his highchair, or throws something at you. Basically, if you're not serving cottage cheese and applesauce, you best be covered in plastic for the show he's about to put on. While the dog waits anxiously at the door to see what is going to hit the floor next, I try and try and try some more to not say nasty words to my children. Serenity now!

I know kids go through picky eating phases and every doctor will tell you: try and remain positive, they won't starve, don't force it, kids have small tummies. Blah, blah, blah. . . .I can appreciate all this but when your kid(s) has a monumental meltdown because they're hungry and did a piss poor job of eating that day, where is Doctor Sears to help me now. . . .

Grace is getting a bit sassy these days and spends a lot of time on the step. When she refuses to sit on the step, I resort to dangling her Halloween candy over the trashcan. If you could hear the screams. . . Think George Bush interrogation tactic screams. I kind of giggle on the inside because it always works so beautifully however, I realize my kid needs to learn to listen to me and not be influenced to behave well because of the threat of candy extinction.

So Grace gets out of time out in time for Luke to throw a tantrum over something. In my parenting induced amnesia, I've forgotten the terrible 2's begin long before 2. Dare--and I dare you--say "no" to Luke--and there is hell to pay. At his worst, he smacks his head on the ground. Sometimes it's funny because he'll actually put his hand there to cushion the blow. We tend to giggle at these episodes. But some are downright intense. When I asked the ped about this he said he would stop when he hurt himself. I said sometimes it's really bad--should I move him on to the carpet. He frankly responded no, but if he's doing it on asphalt, perhaps move him to the grass. So noted.

Both of my guys have violent tendencies and this by far is the thing that really, really makes me mad. If Grace is in "mad spaz mode" and refuses to sit in time out, she hits me as I drag her to her spot. If Luke doesn't want to hear no or doesn't get his way he hits, bites kicks, and throws things at you. It's exceptionally hard to remain "positive" in these situations.

So I turn to the books for hope. So far, some good has been gleamed from my reading. I'm adjusting our diet a bit, offering some new foods, adjusting expectations and meeting with some success. As for discipline, I've had to turn to myself and adjust my attitude which has been a bit harder. Everything Grace and Luke are doing is normal and expected for their ages. They just happen to be going through it at the same time. I'm working on taking many, many, many deep breaths, trying not to take things so personally, and basically not letting them get under my skin. This is seriously hard but I've found when I disassociate myself from the situation--I'm not Jen and this isn't Grace/Luke--this is a mom dealing with her 3/1 year old--things have gone better.

Who knows. I'll probably be back at the library next week for some other issue but at least I know I'm not the only one looking for these answers judging by the volume of books written on these topics.