A Life Jacket Please?

When I was in college I had this professor who was a real ball buster. In a test on Japanese history he would ask the dates of the Civil War--the American Civil War. You had to stay on your toes during lectures because he had this sixth sense when someone was straying and he'd pounce. He was also terribly funny. One day I was clicking my pen (who knows why) and, without missing a beat, he took the pen out of my hands, opened a window, and tossed it. When I looked around helplessly he screamed, "For the love of God will someone give Lawrence a pen." It still makes me laugh.

During one lecture on the American Revolution he asked me to detail the import/export relationship between Great Britain and the colonies. I flailed. Big time. He started yelling, "Someone throw Lawrence a life jacket--she's treading waters in the cold Atlantic with a cement block tied to her foot!" I was and I kind of feel like that now.

I think one of the hardest things about kids is giving up control of your life. Basic things like when you go to the bathroom, take a shower, eat a meal, exercise, make a phone call, sleep--all become precious commodities. So where is this all coming from. . . Yet again my plans to run in the morning this week were foiled by bad sleep and this has me in a bit of a funk. It's not so much the loss of sleep as it is the loss of control that has me blah.

A few times a week either Grace or Luke awaken at 4am. I'm not sure why. Sometimes it's because Grace kicks her covers off. Sometimes it's because of bad dreams. Sometimes it's because of teeth. Yesterday it was because Luke wanted to watch TV. Yup. At 4am. I got him back down after 15 minutes of rocking. It took me about 30 minutes to fall back to sleep. At 5am he woke again.

Theoretically I could have gotten up to run. But after nights like that I'm just exhausted. Especially when they happen a few times a week. I know the sleep thing is a phase but I hate it. They're not 3 months old after all. In fact, my two month old nephew doesn't even pull that.

So here I am in a funk. I've been at this parenting thing for a few years now but it doesn't make it any easier when you have these moments of recognition that your life is barely your own. I think the kids are starting to get this. Yesterday they screamed bloody murder when I turned off Diego and turned on Rachel Ray. I didn't even say anything. I just gave the look and they backed off. These times pass. They always do. Usually it just means a change in routine or attitude. Or a big bottle of wine. . .

Here is a cute picture because I've been light on pictures lately. Oh and the soap came out beautifully. I'll be making more and posting about how I did it when I have a moment.

Anyways, here is Grace on the new bike. She's taking Hillside Avenue by storm folks: